Some other times all this wanting just hurts. I realize how far I am from that ideal life and I am not able to see how on earth I’ll get there. I’m powerless, hopeless and a little bit apathetic.
But why do I want the things I want? What if I didn’t want them? Would I be less frustrated and more passionate about my life right now?
Let’s start with me wanting a house with a big garden to raise chicken in. We just moved, forgodssakes! And here I am, stressing about how much money we would need for a house and should we buy or should we build?
Next on that train of thought, I decide that it’s definitely time for us to have a baby. And that the use of my family name is non-negotiable. We live in a one-bedroom apartment and I don’t have sufficient/stable income, isn’t it the perfect time to get pregnant?
I imagine us in this beautiful home, watching the children play, eating our home-grown vegetables and I get lost and anxious in the when, where and how of things. I’m such a big failure at 28 years of age.
Really, people, the things that go on in my head are ridiculous.
Then, I decide that we absolutely need to travel the world. Backpack, work on a cruise ship, become flight attendants for Emirates, WWOOF, Workaway, whatever takes us on incredible adventures far away.
I also want to have my own business, work from home, create passive income, profit from my passions. But as hard as I try, I can’t figure that out. I have written half a book in about eleven months and I still don’t know when or how to publish it.
Money, house, children, travel… Have you ever paused to question the reason you want things?
I did. And the answer is either because I truly do or because I see other people doing it.
I had to question my wishes when they started making me so anxious I couldn't appreciate what was right under my nose: a wonderful boyfriend and a lovely apartment. Family and friends’ support all around us. Health. Fun. Beauty. Opportunities.
I have been forcing myself to limit social media time. The less I see of other people’s cute babies, exotic travels, weight loss, weddings or business, the closer I get to what I truly desire (and what I don’t) and the more I focus on loving my life right now.
I do love to see that my friends are leading happy lives, but the speed and the sheer amount of information is flipping my brain!
What if we try a different way? Simpler, easier, lighter?
Share your thoughts below!