“The opposite of happiness is not sadness, but boredom.” Tim Ferris in The 4-hour workweek

We all need something to look forward to.

We need fun and excitement to counterbalance our serious routines.

We need some adventure to feel alive!

Adventure certainly means different things to you and me, and we crave it in different doses. To me, it has to do with travel, with new places and experiences. If I stay put for too long, stuck in routine, having nothing cool to look forward to, I get restless.

But we can’t just pack up and leave when feeling bored (unfortunately). So I’ve been exploring new ways to add more spark to our lives:

1. Look around you with fresh eyes

As children, most of the world surrounding us was new and surprising. We were curious, we wondered, we explored, we played. Remember to have fun.

2. Go to an animal park

It will give you that feeling of being far away. You’ll relax, forget about your to-do list and the city noise. Plus, animals are amazing!

3. Go for a walk in nature
​
Find the closest park, forest or beach. Turn off the internet on your phone. Turn on your ears, open your eyes, breathe consciously. 

4. Go camping

Adventure means getting out of your comfort zone! You might not have reception, electricity or even a toilet, but make sure you have amazing nature and books (and wine) on your camping trip!

5. Have an exotic meal

Next time you eat out, try a different cuisine! Thai? Greek? Congolese? Brazilian? If you like cooking, try an unusual recipe and invite friends over!

6. Visit a new town

Spend a day walking around a town you’ve never been before. Find out what the best local food and drinks are. Window shop. Sit down and people-watch.

7. Go to a show you love

Live performances always make me feel good. One of my favorites is Cirque du Soleil – it’s the closest thing to magic I know.

8. Book the cheapest flight

This requires you to be… well, adventurous! Choose a date you want to travel and just find the cheapest destination available. That’s how we’re going to Geneva on NYE!

When you spread little bits of excitement in your life, they’ll attract more and more. 

What adventure are you going on TODAY?

I have always been organized. Always enjoyed cleaning out my closet and throwing stuff away. Making space.

When I left for the USA in 2009, I gave most of my old clothes, shoes and accessories away. I burned a lot of notebooks, letters, cards and school material. I didn’t need any of that in my new life. I traveled light, one suitcase and one carry-on, and I felt lighter still. I was setting off for a year that would be the beginning of the rest of my life. I needed space and clarity.

Au Pairs made decent money, considering we didn’t have any obligations, and things are cheap there. It would have been easy to fall into the trap, but before buying anything I always asked myself: “Do I really need that?” The answer was often no and most of my money went to trips, events, going out and my bank account back in Brazil. 

I packed my bags and moved another four times after that: USA – Brazil, Brazil – Belgium, Belgium – Brazil and finally Brazil – Belgium again. Cleaning up my belongings is a ritual I love. I appreciate the memories, reflect on how I’ve changed and feel great in letting go. I was proud to have everything I owned and needed in a suitcase or two. Such freedom! 

But now… 

Now for the first time in my life I’m living in my own home. It’s a small apartment and we keep it very neat - we recycle everything we can and we’re quite conscious shoppers, but I still believe we could do with a little less. 

Less clothes, to start with. I donated two big bags in the end of summer and there are a few items on probation that, if not worn by the end of the year, will definitely find a new owner. It’s much more fun to have selected clothes that I love and look good in than to have a cluttered closet full of what I “don’t really like but might wear one day”. We all know how that goes. 

I don’t think I could strictly adopt a capsule wardrobe, but my philosophy is easy and simple to live by: How many pairs of shoes do you possibly need? How many bags? How many dresses? I haven’t bought jewelry in a long time and you’ll often see me wearing the same eye shadow and red nail polish (now thanks to my sister I have So! Many! Colors! Five.)

Less “things” lying around. A good rule for this one is: if it’s not useful or beautiful, get rid of it. I’m pretty merciless in letting go of things, but I can’t say the same for my boyfriend. We’re working on it. We never ever play the wii and I suspect it doesn’t work anymore, but it’s still there. A couple of side tables I don’t really love, tennis rackets we haven't used in two years, cups, candles, magazines and other knick-knacks can certainly find a new fate. 

If you’d like to give us awesome gifts, just give us books. Or a bottle of wine. Or a restaurant coupon. We don’t mind those one bit. We’re far from living a minimalist life, but I’ll certainly keep trying. 

Less things to do. Saying no is hard sometimes, but it’s essential. I’m learning to skip engagements I don’t really want to go to or activities I don’t love in order to focus on what brings me joy. 

Less unhealthy food. We’re cutting soft drinks, packaged treats, processed meat, frozen meals. We’re lucky to have the time and inspiration to cook our own food every day. To avoid waste, we plan what we'll eat the following week and only buy those things (also because of our tiny fridge). 

Simplify. It’s calming. It’s good for the environment. Your wallet will appreciate it.
​ 

What I've been reading on the subject:
You can choose to want less, Yes and Yes 
All you need is less, The Guardian
The 10 Most Important Things to Simplify in Your Life
Simple Living Manifesto: 72 ideas to Simplify Your Life
The Cheapskate Guide: 50 Tips for Frugal Living

​Any suggestion? 

Here's a poem about summer holidays:


There are sunny days and cloudy days.

Fun and boredom.

Energy and laziness.

Activity and rest.

There is company and there is solitude.

Silence and noise.

Creation and contemplation.

And every day there’s life.

Calm down, anxious heart.

 

What do you do when you have so much free time and nothing really urgent on your to-do list?

Since I started working full time I couldn’t manage time or energy for writing, so I looked forward to these two months off and I had big plans. So – much – tiiiiiiime!

What I thought I would be doing: writing new stories, writing blog posts, reading the books that have been waiting in the shelves for ages (The Chronicles of Narnia and Sherlock Holmes. Instead I’m stuck in The Dark Tower series), going to the library and cafés to write or brainstorm, doing yoga.

What I have actually been doing for three weeks: cleaning and decluttering, watching movies, sleeping in and taking naps between reads.

I’m even taking a course for teaching assistant in Dutch. Yes, I’m proud of myself for that one.

So while I have no problem keeping busy, I feel like I should be doing more. Being productive and developing myself. I have never been able to just relax and do nothing. I beat myself up over wasting time but I can’t muster the energy to create.

Are you like this too? How do you use your time?

Let’s give ourselves permission to follow our nature, to do whatever we like.

I will: read in bed, watch videos, meet up with friends, not leave the house for days if the weather is bad, bake delicious cake and eat half of it, treat myself to a home-spa, drink a cocktail on Monday evening, ride my bike, try yoga classes on YouTube and be sore for a week.

While I thought this over, I understood that this is not the time for routine, for discipline. It’s not the time to start a new good habit or to catch up with abandoned creative ambitions. You don’t owe anyone but yourself. Take it easy. If you end up writing or doing yoga now and then, perfect. If not, go take a nap. Doing nothing is also human. Life goes on.

 

I didn’t believe in diets.

Food had always meant pleasure to me. Fun. Good times.

I’m not a picky eater and I loved to try everything in the new countries I lived and visited.

I could eat everything and keep my slim figure. Until I couldn’t anymore.

For four years I’ve been putting on weight, first a little muffin top, then the thighs, the arms. Then my knees started bothering me, I couldn’t believe my face on pictures and I hated going shopping.

I didn’t feel like myself.

But I still went for beers, often paired with a greasy snack; still gave in to mid-afternoon sugar cravings; still thought yummy food made me happy.

I still believe (almost) everything should be allowed in my diet, in the right amount and frequency. But the Dukan Diet was exactly what I needed to stop the scales from reaching 80kg.

I’m not recommending you follow it. This is just a happy testimonial on how I lost 15kg in four months.

When I decided it was time to do something, it had to be efficient, healthy and for a limited time. I didn’t want some starve yourself skinny or buy this expensive powder or you have to feel the buuuuurn! technique.

I just needed rules to follow and results to keep me motivated. I talked to a friend who did it, had great weight loss and looked radiant. I bought the book. I understood what would happen in my body. My boyfriend said it made sense. So I started. And so did my sister in Brazil. We motivated each other every day and that was crucial.

I’m not going in detail about the diet here, but the basics are: a) off with the carbs, b) protein based meals, c) loads of water and d) daily oat bran and exercise. Without all the extra sugar the body starts burning fat for energy. Simple as that.

It was magic. I lost 11kg in two months, felt great, no cravings, had to buy new jeans and decided to go to the next phase. In fact, I couldn’t handle the pure protein days alternating with protein + vegetables anymore. I wanted vegetables every day. And fruit. God, I missed fruit more than I missed cake. And to think that I could eat cheese, brown bread and whole grain pasta again. Heaven! I didn’t care if I reached my target (65kg) anymore. I was happy.

I feared putting on weight again but in two months of Consolidation I’ve lost about four kilos, reaching 63,1kg on some days.

I have formed new eating habits. The most important thing I’ve learned however, is that I don’t need food to make me happy. I don’t need cookies with my coffee; I don’t need fries with my steak; I don’t need five beers in one night. What I need is nutrition and a big dose of self-love. 

Last year I got Leonie Dawson's life planner for the first time. The 2014 Create Your Amazing Life Workbook guided me to dream, plan and implement some of the changes I wished in my life.

Even though I often felt frustrated and hopeless this year, I know that the only way to go is forward. I reviewed my workbook and stuck to my plans as best as I could, trying hard not to get side-tracked or pushed in the wrong direction.

My main goals were:


- Get my residence permit and rent an apartment with my boyfriend. Check, check!
- Find a job. Found a temporary part-time, plus volunteering at an international school. Income is not much but it's a good experience.
- Self-publish my first book. Haven't finished writing it yet, but progressed a lot!
- Visit my family in Brazil. Tickets booked for next year, yes!
- Lose 10kg. Actually lost 15!
- Speak Dutch. I’m almost there!


My word for 2014 was FLOW and I definitely felt it. My residence paperwork is finally in order, we moved and made new friends, I’ve been working and networking, I’m done with Social Orientation and Dutch lessons and I finally released the weight I’ve gained in the last four years!

I had no idea how to accomplish some of those things when I wrote them down, but somehow I did - by revising them every month, brainstorming and tweaking where necessary. I’m sure that if I didn’t have that tool, I would have procrastinated or even given up.

I am very grateful for all that I learned this year, but now it’s time to let it go and look forward.

We must always hope that the future will be brighter, or what do we get out of bed for?

I sat alone with a cup of tea, a blanket and my 2015 Create Your Shining Year. I started reflecting about this year but ended up thinking and scribbling about my whole life – everything that brought me to where and who I am today.

What came out of that was the realization that the dance between the Universe and me has been working well so far, that it’s time to stop worrying so much.

I’ve been playing with a word for 2015: SUCCESS. I do not have many goals, but I do know how I want to feel: focused and satisfied. I will focus on writing and teaching, which are the things I can do well and that bring me a sense of accomplishment.

I will figure out the details of self-publishing and keep on writing and becoming a better writer.

I will figure out how to be self-employed in Belgium and I will start to create income.

Other than that I have long lists of movies to watch, books to read and places to visit, which are the things that makes me the happiest. That should be simple enough.

How about you? What are you celebrating this year? 
What goals have you set for next year?

 

I just turned 28. I don’t know why, but it sounds good to my ears.

No, I’m not nervous about being almost 30. I’m excited, actually.

I am loving this moment in my life, when everything seems to be flowing - new place, new people, new routine, new hopes. Oh, and spring is showing up at her best here in Belgium!

Last year was hard. I felt lost and frustrated most of the time. I didn’t feel like myself and I just couldn’t see how things would turn out.

But I was aware that I was going through a crisis and that I just had to be patient and give it time.

Patience and time always work wonders and every little thing is finding its place and purpose. We have a beautiful apartment and love living in Ghent, my Dutch is improving and I’m sure I’ll find a decent job soon.

So this year I wanted to celebrate my birthday as the beginning of a new cycle and as a reminder to always be true to myself.

I decided on simple yet meaningful things:

Eat and drink something new. We initially thought of snails (escargots) because I never had the guts to try them before. Unfortunately we didn’t find them in the supermarket and I ended up trying (and not liking) these crab sticks: 

The drinks were easy to find and easy to like. A friend had given us some Ukrainian vodka and we did shots with the cranberry flavoured one. Ah, good times. 

The other drink was a bit more challenging, since my boyfriend has been trying to convince me for years: whiskey sour. What’s the challenge, you ask me? The foam on top is made with raw egg white and the very thought of drinking that made my stomach turn. But I faced it. And it tasted nice! 

Go out and dance. I do like sitting at cafés, having a nice chat with friends and going to bed early. I love that. But I miss the dance floor sometimes – moving, singing along, sweating, laughing and not noticing how late it has become. I really needed that boost.

Go somewhere new. I thought I needed a healthy dose of adrenaline but my stomach disagreed. We went to Bellewaerde, saw adorable animals and went on some wet and shaky rides. That’s when I realized I’m never going on a rollercoaster again. Ever.

I guess the point I was trying to make is that we should never stop challenging ourselves. In big or small ways. For self-improvement and growth or for the sheer fun on it!

By the way, the Kingdom of Belgium decided to give me the best birthday gift ever: my resident identity card. I have only stared at it 385 times since yesterday. 

How did you (or will you) celebrate your birthday this year? 

You know when you’re waiting and hoping for something for 6 months, being all optimistic and making plans to actually get on with your life?

You can’t wait to get that piece of paper with a Yes on it and instead you get a No?

You’re dreaming about the day all the waiting is over and you can get decent work and move out of your in-laws’ like a good grown-up but instead life (the government) says: “Hold on! You haven’t wasted much of your time yet. You haven’t learned enough about patience yet! Let's play this game again!”?

First you refuse to believe, then you cry, then you start imagining all worst case scenarios, then you have a laugh and then you cry some more.

Well, we talked it over with a friend and I slept on it.

The day after, I decided not to be sad. Even though we hadn’t found a solution yet, I chose to believe we would figure it out and it would be alright.

I cleaned up the room – changed sheets, dusted, vacuumed and lit a scented candle.

Cleaning helps me put my thoughts in order.

I took a nice long shower, washed and conditioned my hair, scrubbed with a sponge and shaved; brushed and flossed my teeth.

I plucked out my eyebrows, applied a cleansing product on my face and moisturized my body.

I felt light, fresh and beautiful.

I turned off my computer and read a book instead.

I put on my bikini and sat outside soaking in some sun. The energy boost I needed!

I took a nap and felt invigorated.

It was a little improvised ritual that helped clear up my thoughts and calm down.  

The problem was still there and I was still worried, but I opened space for reason, clarity and hope, pushing and shrinking the anxiety to the small dark corner of my mind.  

For a moment I felt defeated and lost. It wasn’t funny, but today I can see there’s always a way.

If you’ve had shitty news or just a stinky day, resist the urge to sulk. It won’t get you anywhere and it’ll sure give you wrinkles and white hair. Take a little time and improvise a relaxing retreat! 

Since I read Pollyanna when I was a teenager and thought her glad game was awesome and I should definitely try and play it, I have been drawn to the concept of gratitude as a tool and mindset that makes my life happier.

Whenever I’m feeling down, I turn to gratitude. 

I list (mentally or on a sheet of paper) everything that I am grateful for in my life or in that particular moment. It’s more than just seeing the bright side of everything, it’s a deep understanding that you have more to be happy about than your worries and obsessions try to hide.

Last week I was reading The work we were born to do, by Nick Williams (it’s an awesome book and I’ll come back to talk about it) and he hit the spot again.

If you don’t have the habit of making a gratitude list and don’t know where to start, reflect on this: 

I personally like to sit quiet, close my eyes and think about my family, my love, all the places I’ve been, people I’ve met, all the work I’ve done, the value I added to people’s lives and vice-versa, the comfortable bed and roof over my head, the yummy food I just had or will have, my health, my skills, nature and peace around me, my strength and courage and so it goes… It grounds me back to self-confidence and love, peace of mind and inspiration. It makes me stop feeling sorry for myself or obsessed that things aren’t working the way they should. 

How about you? Do you have a gratitude practice? Are you going to try it today?

So I decided to step away from the computer for a while to do something normal and this post happened.

I was baking a carrot cake and feeling quite anxious – my shoulders were tense, my chest and throat felt tight and I was a bit light-headed. I’ve been recognizing these symptoms since last week, when the book went public and I started promoting it. Also, it’s August and I’m supposed to get a response for my Belgian Visa application.

I turned on the radio, mixed everything up (hoping that this time it would actually be a fluffy one) and when I put it in the oven, I felt like dancing. I was so grateful nobody was home, so I could do my crazy dances and talk to myself out loud:

“Sooo, what am I afraid of, really? Let’s write it down!”

And I did. I scribbled a note that looks something like this:

After writing this I could actually see that my anxieties make no sense and that each one of them has solutions and alternatives. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and said: “Everything won’t be alright. Everything IS alright”, and danced until the cake was done.

Later on, this video came to mind. There, Leonie talks about her #1 way to end a surge of anxiety: movement!

It works for me. 

Stop sulking and write down what’s troubling you x what the possible solutions are (ALL of them). Visualizing it will help your brain make sense of what’s real x what’s not.

Your fears are (generally) not the truth.

Move your body, get the blood flowing, get some fresh air and shake those bad feelings out.

Anxiety is a bitch. I hope this helps other anxious souls like me.

Do you have other advice on dealing with fear and anxiety? Leave a comment below!

Know someone who would like to know this? Share :)