If you have been following the blog for a while you might know that I’ve been living in Belgium for over four years.

It took more than a year until I had my resident permit. Then I attended their social integration program. I had my Brazilian diploma recognized. I went to several meetings at the VDAB and information sessions about courses and jobs. Until I finally started to settle down. Until I finally found a job in my field.

All the while, I studied Dutch. Morning lessons, evening lessons, summer lessons. I was good, I could speak. But I got tired. I had other things to do.

Nowadays I find myself trying to have a decent conversation and feeling frustrated and embarrassed. It’s been four years! I should be speaking fluently! But I know why I don’t and it’s about time I do something about it.

Here are my reasons/excuses. What are yours?

I speak English at home

Since we met, my boyfriend and I spoke English to each other. I learned Dutch after moving back to Belgium and he learned Portuguese, but as much as we tried we could never make an efficient switch. We speak each other’s language now and then but we always fall back to English. It just feels more natural.

I speak English at work…

… and I can’t believe my luck! I not only get to speak English, I also do something I’m good at and care about.

Most people I know in Belgium speak English

They will likely switch languages when they notice you struggle in Dutch, and thus you’re rarely forced to improve.

I am self-conscious

As a teacher I have always told my students that it’s important to try, that mistakes are okay, that’s how you learn. But I’m terrible at following my own advice. I want to say things perfectly, I’m nervous about making a fool of myself, so I often choose to be quiet.

It hasn’t been a priority

During the first two years here I learned Dutch based on the thought that otherwise I wouldn’t find a job. At the same time I hoped that, being an English teacher, I wouldn’t need it. I kept myself busy looking for work, writing, reading, taking online courses, blogging, volunteering. Very little of that was done in Dutch.

The less I practice, the worse it gets

I forget words. Verb conjugations. Word order. It takes a lot of energy to say something. And then again, the frustration, the guilt, the shame.

These have been stressful years

There is no need to repeat everything I wrote above. These four years have been marked by uncertainty, anxiety, discomfort and low self-esteem. Stress is one of the worst enemies of learning.

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So speaking the local language is not always a natural consequence of living somewhere. It takes effort and time. What will I do about it from now on? I will add a little more Dutch in my life, every day. I will read, watch movies, listen to music, talk to people around me.

One day it won’t be such an effort anymore.

What helped you become fluent? 

If this trip was a sample of what this year will be like, I’m happy. It was easy, we got more than we bargained for and had great weather and beautiful scenery.

We had been worried about driving there, since we don’t have winter tires, but the weather couldn’t have been nicer (for winter, anyway). The drive was smooth and we made a stop in Cologne.

I’m glad I can finally say I’ve been to Cologne. The cathedral is impressive and the Christmas market was super cosy. However, I don’t think it lived up to its popularity. 

We arrived in Bonn in the late afternoon. The hotel gave us an apartment instead of a standard room (yay!), we found a grocery store around the corner and settled ourselves. There were even proper glasses to drink the sparkling wine we had brought along – and I was almost conformed to drinking it from hotel plastic cups, yikes!

On the next day we took nice walks around the city, with a coffee break and lunch to warm up. The stores closed at around 3pm and the streets emptied out, so we walked back to the apartment. Our plan was to stay in, cook dinner and drink champagne, but we still needed to shop. Everything was closed on our way, except for the grocery store around the corner. How lucky!
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This NYE we watched the fireworks from our window.  

On the first day of the year we walked all the way up Drachenfels. It was freezing cold, the sun was shining and the sky was blue. There was a gorgeous castle on the way and a fantastic panoramic view on the top. That ought to set the tone for 2017!

One week before the Fall Holidays we were slightly decided to drive to The Hague and have an easy week. But then we saw a ferry + hotel deal on Travelbird that featured the Downton Abbey castle and were instantly sold. So that’s how we made our way to England for the second time this year.

We visited Windsor on our way to the hotel and I couldn’t help but feel disappointed that it wasn’t more royal. The castle is there, smack in the middle of town, surrounded by gift shops and Asian restaurants. Standard admission costs twenty pounds, so we just walked around it to take pictures. By the way, most landmarks and tourist attractions we have seen in England are ridiculously expensive!

Then we headed to our first ever four-star hotel. It was beautiful! It was just off a city called Basingstoke, which we didn’t actually visit, and it was surrounded by green and silence. It was such a quiet place, with the darkest streets I’ve ever seen.

Next day, we decided to spend the morning in Oxford. If you told university student me that one day I’d be hurrying around those streets, I’d never have believed you. A lot of our course books, dictionaries and other materials came from there and I dreamed of this far, old, fancy place. But travelling has a way of bursting your bubble and nothing is so fancy anymore. Wonderful, of course, but not glamorous and untouchable. I was there and the buildings were very beautiful, there were roadworks and renovation works and a lot of traffic. We had to rush back to our car because we had only paid the parking lot for two hours (I think it cost four pounds, which was the same for one hour in Windsor). I passed by an Oxford University Press store and the classics of English literature, course books and dictionaries brought a surge of nostalgia for student life. At the same time, my present job’s materials also come from there. Funny little feeling, but I couldn’t linger.

Our most expected excursion: Highclere Castle, where they filmed Downton Abbey. It would be closed for visitation, but we read there was a walking path around it, where you could get a good glimpse. First we tried to walk from the pub where we stopped for lunch, to reach the end of the trail and walk our way to the beginning. Busy road, no sidewalks, very unkempt footpath. Then we drove to the castle entrance, so we could have a better idea of what to do. You’re not allowed to park there, so we parked on a side street, walked the path, but no sight of it! It is surrounded by trees and all I could see was the top of the towers. And lots of sheep. 

That night we planned our visit to Bath. Oh, wait, guess what’s on the way? Nothing less than Stonehenge! You must be thinking, “How clueless and unprepared were you?” Yes, yes I was.

We were driving in the middle of nowhere, along fields and farms and saw nothing else for miles, when bam! There it was, on the right side of the road, ancient and mighty, only just a little hidden by fog. Such a thrill! We kept on following the signs until we got to the visitor’s center, which is quite a distance and you can’t even see it from there anymore. From there, buses take you up to the stones and back, but we didn’t want to pay for it. So we drove to a side street, parked and took a stroll. It’s perfectly visible from there, if not super close. But if seeing it is what you want, that’s your option! I not only got to see Stonehenge, but learned something history books and travel websites don’t tell you: there is a huge pig farm across the road from it, ha!  

As we arrived in Bath the fog cleared. We sat for a hot sausage in the center and just as we finished my boyfriend whispered, “Is that George R R Martin?” I looked as the man got up and met his wife (presumably) coming out of a store. Of course it wasn’t him. What would he be doing there in Bath, sitting right next to us, what were the odds? But it looked so much like him – the beard, the glasses, the hat. I was intrigued. They strolled around, we followed. “It’s really him, isn’t it?” I kept saying. But I wasn’t convinced and we missed a chance of having a picture (and maybe a chat?) with this fantastic author.

And so we come to the last day of our trip. One last English breakfast and off we went to Pevensey, where William the Conqueror landed in 1066. Quite a desolate village, but it was good to see the sea and visit a castle for free, for a change. And one more delicious pub meal, at a place with no menu (“If you want to eat, go around the bar and look at the chalk board!”) but lots of friendly seniors.

I also saw a fox for the first time in my life. It was dead on the side of the road. Never have I seen so much road kill!

Finally, we arrived in Dover and grabbed a bite to eat before boarding the ferry. It was awful. My panini was cold, the cheese wasn’t even melted and his was dripping mayonnaise. We had that same unease as the first time we were there and couldn’t help but wonder, “What the heck is wrong with Dover?” 

I bike to most places in town

You wouldn’t hear me say that three years ago. I wasn’t used to it and I honestly disliked cycling. Arriving tired and sweaty at work or a friend’s house felt ridiculous. However, I had to understand what thousands of other Ghent residents had: it’s faster than walking, cheaper than public transport and simpler than driving. It’s even a good way to stay fit and, I must admit, it’s pleasant.

I check the weather forecast every day

Gone are the days when I could just assume it would be hot and sunny, put on my jeans and T-shirt and go out for the day. Living in Belgium showed me that you might go from foggy, cloudy and cold in the morning, to sunny and pleasantly warm at lunchtime, to rain and hail on your way home, to snow at night. You shouldn’t get out of the house without knowing what to expect and what to wear.

I need to think about what to wear

Is it going to rain? Then I can’t wear these shoes. I’ll need my rain trousers and jacket if I’m biking. Will it get warmer later? Then a lighter shirt underneath this sweater. But let me pack my hat and gloves, just in case.

I rarely bother putting on makeup or jewelry

Back home, girls dress up to go eat pizza. Seriously. I used to stress about where I was going, how I looked, what people would think. Living here I learned not to care, because nobody does. My only pair of high heels haven’t been worn in more than a year and I have foundation that’s probably expired. I do give in to nail polish and lipstick – and that’s the extent of my beauty repertoire.

There is much more to beer than I ever imagined

Oh, the flavors, the textures, the aftertastes, the degrees of alcohol, the food pairing, the culture around it! A new and amazing world for a girl who only knew one kind of beer: the kind you drink “stupidly cold” on a hot day in Brazil.

I never thought I would crave sunlight

I avoided the sun at all costs between 10am and 4pm. You know, skin cancer and all. Sunscreen or umbrella if I really needed to go to work or University (I took the bus and walked everywhere). But here, well, I miss it the way they miss the rain in my hometown. I enjoy the opportunities I get to sit outside and soak it in, to have a picnic at a park or even go to the beach. The winter months can really get you down.

There’s nothing glamorous about living in Europe

Unlike what most people back home think, living here isn’t chic. I was unemployed for a while, now I work hard, I bike to work and get rained on a lot. I have been to Paris, London, Vienna and more, and there I stayed with friends or cheap hotels, bought bread and cheese and sat at a park to eat, only visited free attractions and walked a lot. Not glamorous but definitely wonderful.

I don’t belong in my hometown anymore

They call it reverse culture shock when you go back to your home country after having lived abroad. You don’t quite fit in anymore. You don’t understand people’s behaviors anymore. You changed, they changed. Every time I go back I feel the conflicting emotions of being home (the home of my memories) and being a visitor, a tourist in my own town.  

​Photo: Pixabay.com

1. ​Terraces

“Look, the sun is shining! We must have a drink outside!” In Flanders they call it “een terrasje doen” when they go to a bar and sit outside. We must eat outside too. Study, work, read a book or simply sit under the gorgeous sun.

2. White wine

3. Barbecues

Back home we used to barbecue whenever we felt like it, usually on Sundays. Since I moved here I learned to associate (and appreciate) barbecues to sunny and warm days.  It’s just so nice to be outside, drinking a cold beer and grilling.

4. Beer Festivals

Take a look at this blog post and learn all about the best beer festivals in Belgium this year. 

5. Cyclists

Belgians love their bikes. I bike to work every day, through sun and rain (and often hail), but in spring and summer I see more and more cyclists on the streets and more and more Sunday bikers, as I call them. You know, those people in tight outfits and skinny bicycles.
It’s also time for cycling events, like the Ronde van Vlaanderen and the Tour de France. They watch that like Brazilians would watch a soccer final!
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6. Asparagus
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Here is one way to eat them: White Asparagus a la Flamande. 

7. Ice-cream trucks

They bring joy and remind you that those dark cold days are over. Until next winter.

8. Runners

It’s time to get out, get some fresh air and shed the winter pounds.

9. Sunburn 
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10. Sports events

Marathons, Fun Runs, cycling tours with a beer at the end, yoga at the park, it’s all happening, folks. Check your city schedule if you’d like to participate.

How about you? How are you enjoying the warmer days? 

Images: https://pixabay.com/

​To me one of the best things of travel is doing things I’ve never done before. We came across a deal on TravelBird that included ferry tickets and hotel accommodations and jumped right in! It was one of the best holidays we’ve had ​– the farms were vast and neat, the food was delicious (we tried fish and chips by the sea, steak and ale pie at a local pub, English breakfast at the hotel, cottage pie, Sunday roast, scones at the local tea room and of course we had lots of tea!) and the people were super friendly. I was ecstatic to be able to speak English, listen to the radio and watch tv. It had been a while since I’d been to an English speaking country. Plus, we were binge watching Downton Abbey at the time and that gave an extra charm to the trip. 

​Crossing the channel 

​Battle Abbey 

This abbey was built as a memorial to the dead of the 1066 Battle of Hastings, after which William the Conqueror became king of England. If you want to know more, click here.

​A walk in the countryside

​Rochester

​Canterbury

​The White Cliffs of Dover

If you'd like a quiet holiday full of nature and history, this is the one! 

1. Experiences are more important than things. I’d choose a trip over a new cell phone without even blinking. Or a ticket to a show over new clothes. Unless I really need them, like new winter shoes, things can always wait. 

2. I am not the center of the universe. I think of how many people exist, have existed before me and will exist after I’m gone, and my worries and fears seem completely insignificant. Not in a depressing, discouraging way but in a liberating and calming one. 

3. Maintaining friendships (and making new friends) is an act of intention. I show my friends I care, even though I’m far. When I last moved (to Ghent) I actively looked for people to claim as friends. I couldn’t go on being just “the girlfriend” and loneliness is a dangerous thing. 

4. Worrying never solved any of my problems, but I do it anyway. I wish I had learned that worrying doesn’t solve anything, period. But that’s just how I am: I worry, I overthink. But I also look for solutions and let go when nothing else can be done. 

5. High heels are not my friends. Flats and comfort for life! 

6. Enjoy your own company. And learn more about yourself in the process, accept your perks and quirks. 

7. Cook your own food. It’s therapeutic, it brings people together, and it’s healthier and cheaper. 

8. Create an active lifestyle. Because we’re not getting any younger, are we? 

9. You don’t have to socialize more than you want to. I love being with friends and I love being on my own, so I had to learn to balance both. 

10. Floss. This one is mostly motivated by my fear of losing my teeth and feeling a lot of pain in the process. Again, we’re not getting any younger, are we? 

11. Live well within your means. I live a modest life, where I’m still able to squeeze in some pretty awesome (budget) trips and be proud of not having any debt. 

12. Be open to new things. Or I wouldn’t be here today. 

13. Doing nothing is ok. It’s good for your mind. Life is not a race. You’re not missing out on anything. There’s absolutely nothing you should be doing on a Sunday afternoon. Don’t fret. 

14. I don’t have to. I get to. When I get all fussy about having to go to the dentist or having to bike to work, I think “Actually, I get to go to the dentist and have my teeth taken care of. I’m lucky.” Or “How great is it that I get to bike to work and not rush to catch a train or be stuck in traffic every morning?” That shift of perspective is a powerful thing. 

15. People are usually doing their best. Try to understand people’s behavior. They’re not always trying to ruin your day on purpose. They’re busy trying to cope, just like you. 

16. It’s ok to give up. Some things are just not for you. Like that motorcycle license wasn’t for me. I spent a lot of money and tears on that, but will never regret giving up. 

17. Pee before you leave. And bring an umbrella. And a snack. And make sure your phone is charged. 

18. Buy quality. I started buying better shoes when my cheap-ass ones would hurt my feet in every possible way. Since I only have a few pairs and wear them often, it’s much better to invest in good ones. I’m slowly learning to buy better clothes too, since they look much nicer and last much longer. 

19. Create. Your crazy ideas need an outlet. 

20. Stay in touch with your family. They are the ones that (usually) truly love you and will be there for you. 

21. Be respectful. It never hurts! 

22. Change is growth. I embrace it, I long for it. My life is better because of all the changes I went through. 

23. Be grateful. Your life will be filled with joy and your heart will be so light! 

24. Organization and cleanliness make me feel at peace. A tidy home = a tidy mind. 

25. I miss my hometown but I might never live there again. I miss my family, the food and memories of a time that won’t come back. But I feel I was born to wander. 

26. I don’t care what people think a 30-year-old woman should be doing. Stop asking when I’ll get married and have a baby. There is absolutely nothing I should be doing when I don’t want to. 

27. I love being in nature and silence. I was never a big city girl, after all. I feel like I’m coming back to myself when I’m quietly admiring a natural space. 

28. Too much social media will make you miserable. Beware of the comparison trap! You’ll start wanting things you don’t really want and taking your life for granted. 

29. Teaching might really be my calling. I have never been sure of what career to pursue and I have wanted to be many things – travel writer, diplomat, author, life coach, lottery winner – but I realize now that teaching feels so natural to me. I love sharing what I know and watching it transform others, even in the smallest ways. 

30. I still have so much more to learn.  


What are your biggest life lessons? 
 

*Image source: Pixabay.com, link on the image. 

1. My parents.
2. My brother.
3. My sister.
4. My close family.
5. My hometown, Francisco Sá.
6. My grandma’s house, so vividly present in my memory.
7. Robrecht.
8. The Dierck family.
9. The New Jersey life.
10. My American host family.
11. My journals.
12. My book of essays and short stories, Qualquer Dia Desses.
13. My first English teacher, who inspired 14-year-old me with stories of living abroad.
14. My University, all I learned and all the friends I made there.
15. My first job as a teacher. Someone believed in a 19-year-old, inexperienced college student.
16. Blogging.
17. Books!
18. My phoenix tattoo.
19. Living right next to a real life castle, Gaasbeek.
20. My Belgian host family.
21. My new town, Ghent.
22. Travelling.
23. The International School of Ghent, which gave me hope and brought me back to education.
24. All the good people I attract into my life journey.
25. Technology that shortens distances and soothes hearts.
26. Seeing snow for the first time.
27. Being free!
28. Being healthy and whole. 
29. Being able to celebrate 30 years of this beautiful life. 
30. The endless possibilities! 

  #30daysto30 

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Babi, please tell us about who you are and where you are from.

I’m a 26-year-old travel agent/interpreter from Belo Horizonte, Minas Gerais. I came to London for the first time in 2005 – where after a little coming and going – I have been living ever since.

What motivated you to live abroad? 

Back in 2005, living abroad wasn’t exactly my choice. My mum had recently married and it was decided that maybe life could be better over here. Even if I didn’t like the idea back at the time, today I see that they couldn’t have made a better choice. I lived in London from 2005 to 2007 and then went back to Brazil, where I stayed for a year or so before returning to England again.
 
What were your expectations before you moved to England? Did the reality align with those expectations?

​15-year-old me didn’t know what to think, all I remember is that I was scared to death. I thought it was going to be freezing cold and that I would never make any friends. I was terrified that I wouldn’t be able to learn the language properly. Back then the only contact I had ever had with England was through my step-father and that wasn’t enough to make me believe I could actually like living here. The reality was that I adapted really quickly, made lots of friends where I studied and it wasn’t really as cold as I thought it would be!

What are the biggest challenges in starting a new life abroad?

Learning how to deal with loneliness and not letting that get in the way of making new friends where you live. Trying to integrate and embrace a new culture that could potentially  be totally different from yours is also a huge deal. In the beginning I struggled a lot because I thought people wouldn’t like the way I was. In my head I was different in a bad way, and people wouldn’t approve of me. I had to learn how to let go of that thought and free myself to be who I am without worrying if I was pleasing people or not.
 
And what do you love about it?

The freedom of thought and expression. London is one of the most diverse cities in the whole world. I love that I can be anywhere in the world just by hopping on a bus, without even leaving the city. Living abroad has opened up my mind to a lot of things, the world is much much bigger than I thought and the possibilities are endless!
 
How has living abroad changed you? What have you learned?

I spent my whole childhood in Brazil, but it was England that taught me the responsibilities of an adult. I learned not to judge and to respect people who were from a different cultural background. Today, I am a much more open-minded individual and I take pride in that.
 
What do you wish you had known before leaving your home country?

That from all of the people who were yet to walk out of my life, I shouldn’t fear because the most important ones would stay. And that we often underestimate our power of adapting to new settings and environments.
 
 What’s the biggest difference between your life in Brazil and in England?

​In Brazil my life seemed to be more exciting, but I can’t do much comparing because I was young and didn’t have a lot of responsibilities. I don’t get to spend a lot of family time as I would have wanted and the city and people may not be as lively as Brazilians. It sounds bad but the good side is that I’m not constantly having my personal space invaded. 

What do you miss the most about Brazil?

Being with my family and the feeling I know everyone on the street. Being able to see my old friends, and the way Brazilian people are in general. Brazilians have the ability of making the best out of a bad situation and I miss that a lot.
 
Tell us about your blog.

My blog started in 2012 when I was going through a very rough patch in my life. I felt like my life had no purpose and that I wasn’t in touch with the person I had known myself to have been all my life, I felt like a stranger to myself. I started it as a way to get my head off certain thoughts and to keep myself busy. It turned out to be one of the best forms of therapy I have ever encountered!
 
What does living a creative life mean to you?

Finding inspiration in the littlest things. Observing the world, people and things around you with empathy in order to be able to get to the real essence. It means letting things flow and not forcing myself to like or do anything I don’t truly wish to.
 
What are you working on at the moment?

At the moment I’m trying to work my way up as an interpreter. I am also a travel agent, so it means that I’m also juggling those two things at the same time! Personally speaking, I’m trying to improve myself and my thoughts as a person, and being more in tune with the world around me. I’ve recently started learning how to meditate and I’m loving it!
 
Any advice you’d like to share with those who dream of creating a new, happier life?

​Accept who you are and go after the things you wish deep down. Dedicate a little bit of your life to others who are in need. Look after your mind and be in peace with it.

This was lovely, thanks Babi! :) 

Are you living abroad? Please share your experience!