Becoming a parent changed everything for me. Everything. It is without a doubt, the best and hardest work I've ever done, especially because I want so badly to do it well. I’m sure most parents would agree.
There was a time in the not-so-distant past, when I thought my job as a parent was to try to figure out how to be a perfect mum. I would stay up all night researching on the internet, reading parenting books and agonizing about what I should be doing. I don’t recommend this as a parenting strategy, by the way, instead of perfect I mostly just ended up being tired, resentful and overwhelmed. So I decided it was time to stop working so hard and to start doing the hard work.
I love the quote, “how you do one thing is how you do everything” and I’m sometimes a bit sad that I didn’t learn it earlier on in my life. Or, maybe it was there all along and I just couldn’t see it until I became a parent. Either way, when I’d finally had enough and really stopped to think about it, I realized that I was doing parenting the same way I had done school and work and everything else in my life. Yikes! I’ve had many breakdowns and breakthroughs and thankfully, trying to be better than perfect is not how I do things anymore.
Now I practice what I like to call living on purpose and parenting on purpose. This is the opposite of letting life happen to me, or just doing what everyone else does without question, like I was doing before.
When decisions need to be made or questions come up for me, I sit down, take a breath and ask myself:
1. What are my priorities?
What am I trying to do/be/accomplish for myself, for my kids and in this situation?
2. Is this what I/we really need right now?
Does it fit with my priorities? Will it make things easier or harder for us? Where do I see this going in the future and is that where I want to be? Do I even need to make a decision about this?
3. What works for my family? For my little people?
What are our routines? What do we love? How do my kids learn best? How can I support them/me through confusing times and change?
These questions help me to get really clear about my thoughts, my feelings and my options. Then, I can choose how I react, how I spend my time and energy and I can say, “no, thank you” to the things and people that don’t fit with my priorities.
I don’t think there is such a thing as a perfect parent anymore and I’ve given up on perfection in other areas of my life too. Now, I think the best I can do is to pay attention, to know my kids really well and know myself really well. That is my purpose.
There was a time in the not-so-distant past, when I thought my job as a parent was to try to figure out how to be a perfect mum. I would stay up all night researching on the internet, reading parenting books and agonizing about what I should be doing. I don’t recommend this as a parenting strategy, by the way, instead of perfect I mostly just ended up being tired, resentful and overwhelmed. So I decided it was time to stop working so hard and to start doing the hard work.
I love the quote, “how you do one thing is how you do everything” and I’m sometimes a bit sad that I didn’t learn it earlier on in my life. Or, maybe it was there all along and I just couldn’t see it until I became a parent. Either way, when I’d finally had enough and really stopped to think about it, I realized that I was doing parenting the same way I had done school and work and everything else in my life. Yikes! I’ve had many breakdowns and breakthroughs and thankfully, trying to be better than perfect is not how I do things anymore.
Now I practice what I like to call living on purpose and parenting on purpose. This is the opposite of letting life happen to me, or just doing what everyone else does without question, like I was doing before.
When decisions need to be made or questions come up for me, I sit down, take a breath and ask myself:
1. What are my priorities?
What am I trying to do/be/accomplish for myself, for my kids and in this situation?
2. Is this what I/we really need right now?
Does it fit with my priorities? Will it make things easier or harder for us? Where do I see this going in the future and is that where I want to be? Do I even need to make a decision about this?
3. What works for my family? For my little people?
What are our routines? What do we love? How do my kids learn best? How can I support them/me through confusing times and change?
These questions help me to get really clear about my thoughts, my feelings and my options. Then, I can choose how I react, how I spend my time and energy and I can say, “no, thank you” to the things and people that don’t fit with my priorities.
I don’t think there is such a thing as a perfect parent anymore and I’ve given up on perfection in other areas of my life too. Now, I think the best I can do is to pay attention, to know my kids really well and know myself really well. That is my purpose.
Christine Marion-Jolicoeur is a social worker, author, artist, entrepreneur, research geek and joyful mum of two amazing little people. She studied criminology, psychology and chemistry in university and has worked in social work for the past 10 years. Being a social worker by trade and research geek by nature, becoming a parent led her through frustration, fear and confusion and eventually out the other side to clarity, confidence and joy. Raising little people is the best and hardest job she’s ever had. And she’s grateful every day for the lessons she learns about how to live and parent with purpose and on purpose. You can find out more about Christine and her work on the Joyful You web page, the JoyfulParenting blog and on facebook.
